& on the 3rd day.....

I rose again from underneath the uncomfortable flame-retardant sheets and comforter just in time to be late for another day of lectures. I know you're probably thinking to yourself,

"5 hours of safety lectures and corporate videos on such topics as sexual harassment, workplace discrimination, proper use of the fire extinguisher, and the history of the Carnival corporation must be off the chain!"

And you'd be wrong. It's not. It actually sucks. The videos are cheesy and the material is boring. Nobody (lecturers included) wants to be there and for some reason, the lecturers ask tons of questions and will not move on until someone answers. They also wont go on with the lecture until everyone is back from the few breaks that they give us. Of course, nobody answers any of the questions and people straggle in 10 minutes late from each break which prolongs this exquisite agony for the rest of us.

After a while, the instructors got the idea to put in episodes of Mr. Bean (have you heard of this show? It's almost like a British version of Get Smart) on the breaks. Man, did it ever solve the tardiness issue! Who knew that Mr. Bean had such mass appeal? And, more importantly, why? Brits, South Americans, Africans, Indians, Asians, Russians, Scots, Canadians and even the French folks were doubled over in laughter at Bean trying to change pants while driving.

Now I'm studying for this safety test I have to take tomorrow like it's the bar so I wont have to go to any more of these training seminars. It's painful watching the instructors trying to get everyone involved. After watching the video on the importance of smiling and saying hello to every guest in a 10' radius (the video was hilarious. The main character did a parody of the 6th sense but instead of saying "I see dead people", he said "I see rude people". You had to be there.), the instructor tried to get us fired up about being nice to people. She was all like,

"So are we all okay with this? Are we going to give every guest we see a BIG smile?!!!"

[awkward silence and nodding of heads]

"I can't hear you"

[muffled uh-huh's and yeah's barely audible over the hum of the slide projector]

"What about you, Jose? Can I count on you to smile EVERY time you see a guest?!" she said to this Ecuadorian cat who worked in the crew. Jose, who apparently had to work until very late the night before, hadn't said a word all day and looked very sleepy and uninterested. He nodded weakly and quickly resumed staring at the floor as he had been doing for the last 3 hours.

"I can't hear you!" she said in a cheerful voice.

"Jes" he said after 5 seconds of staring at the floor. I think she made him "show off his smile" after this exchange which was just as awkward.